Expert running tips. Oh yeah.

I've been a runner for about 11 months now, and by "runner" I mean "person who owns sneakers and moves marginally faster than a walker in them." 

Said sneakers

Anyhoo, since I'm such an experienced runner now, I thought I'd share a few tips on how to have a suuuuuuper great run.  Just a little knowledge I picked up today on my run.

Step 1.  Eat very large bowl of fiber-rich lentil soup.  With cheese.

(Any actual runners who are reading this are already shaking their heads.)

Step 2.  Don't wait long enough before deciding to go to the gym.

Step 3.  Start running.  Start cramping up.  Keep running.

Step 4.  Walk it out.  Run.  Bathroom.

Repeat steps 3 and 4 several times.  Feel stupid for lentils.

Step 5. Finally hit stride around mile three.  Worry about snow outside.

Step 5.1.  Take selfie on treadmill.

Step 6.  Run, run, run. Stare at nail hole in opposite wall. Run, run, run.

Step 7.  Think about friends facing serious health challenges.  Feel grateful for working legs.

Step 8.  Finish strong but don't look at time or pace.  Doesn't matter.  It's done.